But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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