C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
