Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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