just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
