I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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