If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
