Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
