Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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