Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
