I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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