so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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