think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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