you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
