is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
