That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
