One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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