I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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