he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
