You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
