Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
