I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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