First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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