proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do herpes really smell.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
