Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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