I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
