We're facebook friends in real life
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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