woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
