Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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