in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
