Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
