Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
