My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
