He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
