Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
