We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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