I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I look better un-naked...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
