hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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