Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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