You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I forgot how hot balto sounded
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
