So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
