hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i dont even know how to be here
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
