I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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