I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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