if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
