By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
