its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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