Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
