Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
