Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
