Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there was a trapeze. enough said
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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