Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
