I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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