So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
