I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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