How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
